Innocent Knitting « Result #1 on Mar 19, 2009, 1:39am »
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
Enlarging The Breast « Result #2 on Mar 19, 2009, 1:39am »
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
The husband comes up with a suggestion. ¡°If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.¡±
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ¡°How long will this take?¡± she asks.
¡°They¡¯ll grow larger over a period of years,¡± he replies.
The wife stops. ¡°Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?¡±
The husband shrugs. ¡°Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?¡±
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
For You I Wish « Result #4 on Mar 19, 2009, 12:57am »
I have looked at Christmas: holly red Secret Santa: rich pudding-fed: Standing with my eyes shut, on tip toe I¡¯ve stood hopefully under mistletoe. Now, like scrooge, I look at the season new I smile less and party with few And all the words of love now lie Mock silently, ruffle and die. I have looked at Christmas from both sides now From happy and sad and still somehow It¡¯s not the season that I see It¡¯s my own candied fantasy. But for you I wish the happy red show, Stockings filled with family galore; Soul food cooked in kitchens known And sleep that is sound in a bed at home. Because the spirit is not in wishing for ones self you see, And the dreams and the hopes are for your fantasy So I wish you this Christmas old love anew And silent wishes that will do come true.
A Christmas Poem « Result #5 on Mar 19, 2009, 12:57am »
Silent night Holy night Snowfall on this Christmas sight Love all around As we sing our Christmas cheer Sit around the tree Hands held high As the wind whispers a gentle Christmas sigh Gentle twinkling scattered about it¡¯s branches Snow gently falls We lift our faces to the sky Faces shine in a rosy glow Around and around we go Spinning twirling swirling in the snow The world is at peace tonight As love glows in a romantic¡¯s eye Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light Forget all the world Be at peace tonight Let the warmth of the time fill you Snow fall covers all Have a happy Christmas all
Brains Change Result « Result #6 on Mar 19, 2009, 12:57am »
Three women are out shopping at an antique shop. They stumble upon an unusual lamp. A voice heard from a genie within the lamp begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.
Now one of the women just doesn't believe it, and says: "Ok, if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q." The genie says: "Done." Suddenly, the woman starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight.
The second woman is so amazed she says to the genie : "Triple my I.Q." The genie says: "Done." The woman starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.
The last woman is so enthralled with the changes in her friends, that she says to the genie: "Quintiple my I.Q." The genie looks at her and says: "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider." The woman says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free." "Please," says the genie "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe...won't you ask for something else...a million dollars, anything?" But no matter what the genie said, the woman insisted on having her I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power. So the genie sighed and said: "Done."
Colorful Shades of Gray « Result #7 on Mar 5, 2009, 12:18am »
Moths are very ugly creatures. At least that is what I always thought until a reliable source told me otherwise. When I was about five or six years old, my brother Joseph and I stayed overnight at our Aunt Linda¡¯s house,wow power leveling our favorite relative. She spoke to us like adults, and she always had the best stories.
Joseph was only four years old, and still afraid of the dark, so Aunt Linda left the door open and the hall light on when she tucked us in to bed. Joe couldn¡¯t sleep, so he just lay there staring at the ceiling. Just as I dozed off to sleep, he woke me up and asked, ¡°Jennie, what are those ugly things near the light?¡±(I had always liked that he asked me questions because wow gold I was older and supposed to know the answers. I didn¡¯t always know the answers, of course, but I could always pretend I did.) He was pointing to the moths fluttering around the hall light. ¡°They¡¯re just moths, go to sleep,¡± I told him.
He wasn¡¯t content with that answer,wow power leveling or the moths near his night light, so the next time my Aunt walked by the door he asked her to make the ugly moths go away. When she asked why, he said simply, ¡°Because they¡¯re ugly and scary, and I don¡¯t like them! ¡±She just laughed, rubbed his head, and said, ¡°Joe just because something is ugly outside doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s not beautiful inside. Do you know why moths are brown?¡± Joe just shook his head.
¡°Moths are the most beautiful animals in the animal kingdom. At one time they were more colorful than the butterflies. They have always been helpful, kind, and generous creatures. One day the angels up in heaven were crying. They were sad because it was cloudy and they couldn¡¯t look down upon the people on earth. Their tears fell down to the earth as rain. The sweet little moths hated to see everyone so sad. They decided to make a rainbow.wow power leveling The moths figured that if they asked their cousins, the butterflies, to help, they could all give up just a little bit of their colors and they could make a beautiful rainbow.
One of the littlest moths flew to ask the queen of the butterflies for help. The butterflies were too vain and selfish to give up any of their colors for neither the people nor the angels. So, the moths decided to try to make the rainbow themselves. They beat their wings very hard and the powder on them formed little clouds that the winds smoothed over like glass. Unfortunately, the rainbow wasn¡¯t big enough so the moths kept giving a little more and a little more until the rainbow stretched all the way across the sky. They had given away all their color except brown, which didn¡¯t fit into their beautiful rainbow.
Now the once colorful moths were plain and brown. The angels up in heaven saw the rainbow, and became joyous.wow gold They smiled and the warmth of their smiles shown down on the earth as sunshine. The
warm sunshine made the people on earth happy and they smiled, too. Now every time it rains the baby moths, who still have their colors, spread them across the sky to make more rainbows.¡±
My brother sank off to sleep with that story and hasn¡¯t feared moths since. The story my aunt told us had been gathering dust in the back corners of my brain for years,wow gold but recently came back to me.
I have a friend named Abigail who always wears gray clothes. She is also one of the most kind and generous people I¡¯ve ever met. When people ask her why she doesn¡¯t wear more colors she just smiles, that smile, and says, ¡°Gray is my color.¡± She knows herself and she doesn¡¯t compromise that to appease other people. Some may see her as plain like a moth, but I know that underneath the gray, Abigail is every color of the rainbow.
As a Man Soweth « Result #8 on Mar 5, 2009, 12:18am »
When I was in junior high, the eighth-grade bully punched me in the stomach. Not only did it hurt and make me angry,wow gold but the embarrassment and humiliation were almost intolerable. I wanted desperately to even the score! I planned to meet him by the bike racks the next day and let him have it.
For some reason, I told my plan to Nana, my grandmother -- big mistake. She gave me one of her hour-long lectures (that woman could really talk).wow power leveling The lecture was a total drag, but among other things, I vaguely remember her telling me that I didn¡¯t need to worry about him. She said, ¡°Good deeds beget good results, and evil deeds beget bad results.¡± I told her, in a nice way, of course, that I thought she was full of it. I told her that I did good things all the time, and all I got in return was ¡°baloney!¡± (I didn¡¯t use that word.) She stuck to her guns, though. She said, ¡°Every good deed will come back to you someday, and every bad thing you do will also come back to you.¡±
It took me 30 years to understand the wisdom of her words. Nana was living in a board-and-care home in Laguna Hills, California. Each Tuesday,wow power leveling I came by and took her out to dinner. I would always find her neatly dressed and sitting in a chair right by the front door. I vividly remember our very last dinner together before she went into the convalescent hospital. We drove to a nearby simple little family-owned restaurant. I ordered pot roast for Nana and a hamburger for myself. The food arrived and as I dug in, I noticed that Nana wasn¡¯t eating. She was just staring at the food on her plate.wow power leveling Moving my plate aside, I took Nana¡¯s plate, placed it in front of me, and cut her meat into small pieces. I then placed the plate back in front of her. As she very weakly, and with great difficulty, forked the meat into her mouth, I was struck with a memory that brought instant tears to my eyes. Forty years previously, as a little boy sitting at the table.wow gold Nana had always taken the meat on my plate and cut it into small pieces so I could eat it.
It had taken 40 years, but the good deed had been repaid. Nana was right. We reap exactly what we sow. ¡°Every good deed you do wow gold will someday come back to you.¡±
A Pocket Full of Quarters « Result #9 on Mar 5, 2009, 12:18am »
Searra, an eight-year-old brain tumor patient, was a "regular" in the Radiation Oncology Department, much like the other patients who came to the cancer center everyday for a five- or six-week period. With my office located near the main entrance, I could hear Searra, also called CC, coming from a distance. Sure enough, she popped her head in every morning around 10:00 A.M. to say "hi" or, more important, to check out the toys and coloring materials I had stashed in my office.wow power leveling Several steps behind, CC's grandmother, also called Mommie, since she served as her guardian, would trail in as she tried keeping up with CC's anxious pace. CC was not the least bit interested in hearing more about her cancer or her hair loss. When she walked into the department, it was time to socialize with the staff, who became her instant friends, and to see what kind of masterpiece she could color for Mommie before she was called back for her treatment. I was taken aback by the love CC had for Mommie. Whenever I asked her about home life, school work or how she was feeling, every response referred to her time spent with Mommie, the funny stories they shared and how much she loved her.wow gold On numerous occasions, CC made it clear that Mommie was the center of her world. When CC was first treated with radiation therapy,wow power leveling the therapists told her that they would give her a quarter each day if she promised to keep her head still on the treatment table. Certainly,wow gold after six weeks of therapy, she had a pocketful of quarters! So on the last day, the therapists wanted to know what big toy she was going to buy with all her change. CC replied, "Oh, I am not going to buy a toy. I am going to buy something for Mommie because of all the nice things she does for me." CC's sincerity, unselfishness, warmth and loyalty to Mommie taught me about what is really important in life. She constantly showed that loving others with true commitment is the best gift you can give another-whether a family member or a friend. Certainly, CC has an excuse to complain or be angry at the world for a childhood totally different from the other children's in her third-grade class. I have never heard her complain about her bald head,wow power leveling swollen face and body (as a result of the steroids), or low energy level, which keeps her from playing outside. CC continues to live her life the way she chooses, and that includes giving of herself to make the world a better place for others, especially Mommie. CC reminds me to not take those people I love for granted and to look beyond the superficiality that is often found in day-to-day living.wow gold I am reminded to be more thankful for what I have today and to not dwell on what is behind me or what lies ahead. CC, just like many other cancer patients, is a true example that we aren't always dealt the perfect hand, so we have to make the best of what we have today.
The Many Faces of Love « Result #10 on Mar 2, 2008, 1:29am »
Love.. what is love? A lot of people shared their views to what Love really is, or at least what Love is in their eyes. Perhaps love is just an illusion. A strong illusion, especially for those who are searching for a purpose of life. Is love an answer? Love can be wonderful, special, complicated, a distress, a gift, a curse, a tragedy, and most of all, an experience.
¡¡¡¡"But isn't love suppose to be an obsession? If it is not, then you'd have to rationalize. If you rationalize then it's not love, because there is always a better rationalization."
¡¡¡¡"I think the "in love" phase is obsessive but according to Williamson (and backed up by my paltry experience), love does not involve the ego, is selfless and the opposite of obsession."
The Many Faces of Love « Result #11 on Mar 2, 2008, 1:28am »
Love.. what is love? A lot of people shared their views to what Love really is, or at least what Love is in their eyes. Perhaps love is just an illusion. A strong illusion, especially for those who are searching for a purpose of life. Is love an answer? Love can be wonderful, special, complicated, a distress, a gift, a curse, a tragedy, and most of all, an experience.
¡¡¡¡"But isn't love suppose to be an obsession? If it is not, then you'd have to rationalize. If you rationalize then it's not love, because there is always a better rationalization."
¡¡¡¡"I think the "in love" phase is obsessive but according to Williamson (and backed up by my paltry experience), love does not involve the ego, is selfless and the opposite of obsession."
The Many Faces of Love « Result #12 on Mar 2, 2008, 1:28am »
Love.. what is love? A lot of people shared their views to what Love really is, or at least what Love is in their eyes. Perhaps love is just an illusion. A strong illusion, especially for those who are searching for a purpose of life. Is love an answer? Love can be wonderful, special, complicated, a distress, a gift, a curse, a tragedy, and most of all, an experience.
¡¡¡¡"But isn't love suppose to be an obsession? If it is not, then you'd have to rationalize. If you rationalize then it's not love, because there is always a better rationalization."
¡¡¡¡"I think the "in love" phase is obsessive but according to Williamson (and backed up by my paltry experience), love does not involve the ego, is selfless and the opposite of obsession."
Re: Let's Play « Result #13 on Sept 6, 2007, 9:01am »
"Ummm, not a whole lot. Not like on a team or anything. There's a sport that the kids in my town play, called football. I'm fair at that. And this will sound so lame but my friends and I play a school wide game of tag," she replied blushing a little at how childish it all seemed. I mean, here she is talking to a sixth year boy about how she still plays tag. Geez, I'm a dork... she told herself.
Roger Phanks Gryffindor Student Seventh Year Muggleborn Hades the Black Cat member is offline
Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 11 Location: Scarborough, England Karma: 0
Re: Relationships: Draco Malfoy « Result #14 on Jul 8, 2007, 11:21pm »
Name: Roger Phanks Year and House: 7th Gryffindor Relationship Wanted: I'll hate you till the day I die Why (why/how did we get this way?): You're not just a Slytherin - oh no. You're the prince of them. And you make me disgusted. Plus, I'm muggleborn. Clearly, not the type you'd ever pick as a friend.
« Last Edit: Jul 8, 2007, 11:22pm by Roger Phanks »
Roger Phanks Gryffindor Student Seventh Year Muggleborn Hades the Black Cat member is offline
Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 11 Location: Scarborough, England Karma: 0
Re: Clea Serphan « Result #16 on Jul 8, 2007, 11:19pm »
Name: Roger Phanks Age/Year: 17/ 7th Relationship: I'd hate to be like you, plain and simple [The Anthem by Good Charlotte] You make me nervous... [London Bridges by Fergie] How did we end up this way?: Slytherin. Enough said. But there is something about your eyes that attracts me... I mean... You're a Slytherin, and I don't like you. At all. >_>
« Last Edit: Jul 8, 2007, 11:24pm by Roger Phanks »
Roger Phanks Gryffindor Student Seventh Year Muggleborn Hades the Black Cat member is offline
Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 11 Location: Scarborough, England Karma: 0
Re: Soaring High « Result #17 on Jul 8, 2007, 10:58pm »
Roger arched an eyebrow at the girl as she took the Quaffle from him. Rather, she took it as it fell towards the ground, but it was the point. He took off imediately after her, reveling in the chance to play with another student.
As he flew closer - his broom must have been newer and faster than hers - he recognized her as Adriana, a girl from his own house. "Nice try," he yelled loudly to her, "but I'm better at this than you."
He pushed forward, instantly catching up to her. Coming at her from a tricky angle, he was able to knock the ball from her grip and tuck it safely under his own. He flipped away, flying upside down for a few metres, before doing a loop and stopping when he was rightside up. He hovered there for a minuted and laughed at his success.
Kevin Entwhistle Ravenclaw Student Sixth Year Muggleborn member is offline
Joined: Apr 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 7 Location: London, England Karma: 0
Re: Let's Play « Result #20 on Jul 6, 2007, 6:04pm »
Kevin laughed, "Yeah, it would appear so," he said with a grin. "And I'm thinking about an owl. After all, they're so useful, and you can't beat that, can you?"
He continued to pet the cat but changed the topic. "So, do you play any sort of sport? I play disk," he said with a laugh, "Obviously. What about you?"
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